I have 8 days down as of today, 6 more to test day. I'm starting to get a little discouraged since my only "cramps" this morning has been gas pain. My boobs aren't unusually tender, I don't feel particularly emotional (other than being a nervous nellie waiting this crappy 2ww), I don't feel like I have any cravings--just hungry in general but I'm starting to attribute that to stress due to the lack of the above symptoms. I am still hoping and praying for that BFP on Wednesday but I'm not expecting it as of the moment. The only thing that remains this morning is the tenderness in my lower abdomen. I've had no spotting, no nausea, and no headache since Tuesday. I've prayed multiple times each day, especially in the shower (where I do all my praying/crying/singing/cursing), I've begged God to give me this gift and a chance to be a wonderful mother to a child I would place above all else. I've sung just in case there happens to be an embryo in there, I've cradled my would-be stomach as if I were pregnant and promised to protect and love this child if God would so bless us.
I saw on TV last night that First Response has a test that can predict 6 days before a missed period so I have been very tempted to make a trip to the store, but despite knowing that further from a missed period the test is taken, the more dramatically the incidence of false negatives, I know myself and the second I saw that negative I would only stress myself out.
I am scared not only of not getting the thing that my heart aches for most, but also of falling back into that pit of depression that would accompany a negative test. I have felt such hope in the last couple of months that the things that normally really upset me--pregnant women, the diaper isle, baby shower invitations, etc-- haven't shaken me as much. I'm so afraid of that sadness that you can't escape, and that feeling that you're 1 or 2 BFN's away from being locked in a mental institution for going crazy on the next poor soul that hands you a baby shower invitation.
