Saturday, January 26, 2013

Maybe it Would be Easier....Maybe Not.

Occasionally I have these days where I just think we should put this all behind us and just adopt. I could stop stressing about how we would ever be able to afford to pursue IVF, we could stop racking up our debt in Dr's appointments, fertility meds and test after test. We could give some beautiful baby a loving home and maybe this emptiness would go away. I'd have a son or daughter to teach new things and love. 

Then I realize I'm not sure that it would make the emptiness totally go away. I don't think the desire to see our own flesh and blood would ever completely leave my heart and mind. I would love them just the same but I'm not sure I could let go of missing all the experiences of being pregnant and getting to say he or she has my husband's eyes, or my lips. I see my friends kids and it is so neat to see how much they look like one parent or the other, or a complete mixture of both. I can't help but wonder how adorable our babies would be.

Maybe one day I'll know when it's the right time to let go and accept what is, but for now I'm not sure I'm ready. I just hope and pray every day for a miracle.

1 comment:

  1. I was you a few years ago. Then I had the blessing of my son-MY SON-handed to me by a miracle of fates, and good luck and I can say beyond shadow of a doubt that I have never looked upon him as anything other than MINE. DNA I found doesn't matter. The moment that warm body is placed in your arms at his birth it doesn't matter that you didn't carry him. Yes, I'd love to give him a sibling-biologically from his father and I, or through another adoption-but both are equally costly-the adoption (direct placement) cost $2000 less than 1 round of IVF-something I always said "we can't afford" Just some food for thought....